A little humour

Admin Posts : 72 Points : 194 Join date : 2010-01-28

LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND ALL THIS...

If you cross the North Korean Border illegally you get 12 years hard labor.
If you cross the Iranian Border illegally you are detained indefinitely.
If you cross the Afghan Border illegally, you get shot.
If you cross the Saudi Arabian Border illegally you will be jailed.
If you cross the Chinese Border illegally you may never be heard from again.
If you cross the Venezuelan Border illegally you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.
If you cross the Cuban Border illegally you will be thrown into political prison to rot.

HOWEVER

If you cross the South African Border illegally you get
? a job,
? a drivers license,
? a pension card,
? welfare,
? credit cards,
? subsidized rent or a loan to buy a house,
? a free education and
? free health care.
Perks include
? weapons of your choice.
And in South Africa you can
? murder,
? use drugs,
? drink and drive,
? steal,
? rape

BUT PLEASE South Africans DON’T SMOKE - it is illegal

Critic Posts : 36 Points : 36 Join date : 2010-02-04

lmao thats a good one

Critic Posts : 36 Points : 36 Join date : 2010-02-04

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!

Critic Posts : 36 Points : 36 Join date : 2010-02-04

Farting All The Time
Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing

Moderator Posts : 40 Points : 40 Join date : 2010-02-02

hahaha....top noch..... Laughing

Moderator Posts : 40 Points : 40 Join date : 2010-02-02

Ever wonder how blondes remember their Passwords?

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said, "It had to be at least 8 characters long.

Moderator Posts : 40 Points : 40 Join date : 2010-02-02

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

Critic Posts : 36 Points : 36 Join date : 2010-02-04

lol good one g Smile